


Home Suite Home

by mkatinthehat



Category: GOT7, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - College/University, Crack, Dick Jokes, Drugs, Gen, Humor, Inspired by Real Events, Nonbinary Character, Slice of Life, Trans Male Character, aka my college adventures, alternative writing style, partially anyway
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-16
Updated: 2016-01-18
Packaged: 2018-05-14 06:03:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5732059
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mkatinthehat/pseuds/mkatinthehat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which BTS and GOT7 both have suites in the same dorm and chaos ensues. As told by their beleaguered RA through emails, texts, whiteboard messages, penis-shaped post it notes, rude graffiti, and incident reports. Enjoy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> in which the boys move in and the RA is nearly taken out by a falling father

Email - 11:43 am, August 14

From: pyok-ra@myuniversity.edu

To: kdorm-list@myuniversity.edu

CC:hyolyn-rd@myuniversity.edu

Subject: Pre-semester information !!Please Read!!

Welcome!

My name is Pyo Ki Tae, I’m going to be your RA this year, so please be good to me! A couple of reminders before the semester starts:

  1. Move-in day is tomorrow between 9:30 am and 4:30 pm. Please stop by my room (207) to pick up your keys.
  2. This is a pet-free dorm. The only pets allowed with be service animal that have been cleared by an administrator. DO NOT FEED/ADOPT any stray cats that might be roaming the parking lot.
  3. All student motored vehicles must have parking tags (they can be purchased from Accounting), or they will be fined.
  4. Quiet hours are between 11pm and 7am on weekdays, and 1am and 10 am on weekends. Please respect everyone’s sleep schedules.
  5. Our dorm kitchen is so clean right now! Let’s keep it that way!!
  6. Lofting kits are available, email me and cc the housing manager if you want to loft/bunk your beds.
  7. There will be a dorm meeting this Thursday night at 8:45pm. Please come on time! There will be tea and more important announcements.



Looking forward to a great semester! Feel free to email me with any questions you might have.

Fondly,

Pyo Ki Tae

* * *

Email - 12:02 pm August 14

From: pyok-ra@myuniversity.edu

To: kdorm-list@myuniversity.edu

CC: none

Subject: :))hey hey hey ((:

Heyo guys,

Ok this is the less-official welcome email. Welcome to K Dorm!!! It’s gonna be an awesome semester, I can’t wait! 

About the stray cat thing, there was a litter of kittens born over the summer, and the administrators don’t want them to become a nuisance or a danger so official policy is to ignore them. That being said, there is a bag of cat food sitting outside my door. Do with that information what you will.

Seriously, our kitchen looked like something out of a horror film at the end of last semester, so let’s not reenact that nightmare again this year. Wash your dishes and put away your food for an ant-free kitchen.

Not everyone in the dorm is over 20, so the community fridge is NOT where you should store your beer. If you choose to do so anyway, I will assume that I’m allowed to drink it.

Lofting kits are a fun way to make room for activities, but  you will have to climb up the ladder to get into bed so keep that in mind, especially if you are prone to intoxication. I don’t want to have to drive people to the hospital at 2 am. I’ll do it, but I won’t be happy.

Finally, please put the preferred names and pronouns of everyone in your suite on the whiteboard outside your door so that I can make room signs. See you tomorrow!

Cheers,

Ki Tae

* * *

Email - 7:28 pm August 15

From: tuanm@myuniversity.edu

To: pyok-ra@myuniversity.edu

CC: none

Subject: yikes

Sorry about all the yelling earlier, I’d love to say that my dad isn’t normally like that, but I’d be lying. He just gets really excited about…everything. 

Mark

* * *

Email - 9:58 pm August 15

From: pyok-ra@myuniversity.edu

To: tuanm@myuniversity.edu

CC: none

Subject: re:yikes

Lol, don’t worry about it! It’s not the first time someone’s slipped on those stair and it probably won’t be the last. I’m just glad I was there to soften his landing. You moving in ok?

Ki Tae

* * *

Email - 10:14 pm August 15

From: tuanm@myuniversity.edu

To: pyok-ra@myuniversity.edu

CC: none

Subject: re:re:yikes

Thanks. Yeah, my roommate just got here, at last.

Mark

* * *

White Boards - August 18th

BTS Suite:

201- Seokjin (he/him) & Yoongi (he/him)

202- Namjoon (he/him) & Jungkook (he/him)

203 - Taehyung (he/him), Jimin (they/them), & Hoseok (he/him)

Got7 Suite*

208 - Marky Mark (he/him) & JWang ~~(his majesty)~~ (he/him)

209 - Jaebum (he/him) & ~~Oldjae~~ Youngjae (he/him)

210 - Jinyoung (he/him)

211- Yugyeom (they/them) & ~~Bhuwakul~~ Bambam (he/him)

*this is the last time Youngjae is allowed to use the markers, sorry about the mess - Jaebum

* * *


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which there’s a break-in at the dorm, and dick jokes are made in excess

Email - 9:14 am August 23

From: pyok-ra@myuniversity.edu

To: kdorm-list@myuniversity.edu

CC: none

Subject: I am here to help

Hey guys,

In case you missed it at the dorm meeting, my number is (984) 555-7213. I mention this because, not to name names or anything, but someone forgot their key and decided to climb in through the kitchen window last night. I’m happy to let you in if you get locked out, just shoot me a text, ok?

Cheers,

Ki Tae

* * *

Text - 10:32 am August 23

Jimin: Sorry to scare you like that last night! I didn’t think anyone was still up.

Ki Tae: It’s fine, you just scared the shit out of me. Be thankful I wasn’t holding a knife.

Jimin: What were you doing in the dark kitchen at 2 am anyway?

Ki Tae: Night ramen. What were YOU doing out?

Jimin: …don’t worry about it

* * *

Email - 7:53 am August 26

From: miny@myuniversity.edu

To: kdorm-list@myuniversity.edu

CC: pyok-ra@myuniversity.edu

Subject: THE FUKCING DICK NOTES

IF I SEE ONE MORE PHALLIC STICKY NOTE ON, IN, OR AROUND THE REFRIGERATOR I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL PUT ALL THE ICE CREAM OUT TO MELT ON THE COUCHES. MARK YOUR SHIT WITH MASKING TAPE LIKE A NORMAL PERSON FOR FUCK’S SAKE.

ARE YOU ALL 12?

Yoongi

* * *

Email - 9:38 am August 26

From: pyok-ra@myuniversity.edu

To: kdorm-list@myuniversity.edu

CC: none

Subject: re: THE FUKCING DICK NOTES

I second that. Not about the ice cream on the couches, because that would be a bitch to clean up, but the penis post-its have got to go.

Cheers,

Ki Tae

* * *

Note on the Refrigerator - August 26

lovely neighbors - 

trying not to get choked up here. i realize now that the notes sucked; i fucked up. i came to my senses and decided to stop jerking you around. the ice cream doesn’t deserve to get shafted for this. 

-wang

MAKE ONE MORE PENIS PUN JACKSON I DARE YOU

-yoongi

i wood, but i don’t wanna be a dick

-wang

* * *

**Incident Report**

_Location:_ Dorm K kitchen

 _Time/Date:_ 11pm, August 28

 _Party involved:_ unknown

 _Incident summary:_ I came home from doing the rounds to find the microwave smoking gently and issuing popping sounds. I unplugged it immediately and and took it outside before opening it. Someone had decided to microwave a can of beer. When I asked both suites, neither had any idea what was going on. 

 _Actions taken:_ The microwave appears to still be in working order, so no charges are needed to replace it. A sign has been posted warning students against inappropriate use of the kitchen appliances

 _Additional notes:_  This is the third time since the start of the semester that I have found a non-food item in the microwave. The next time it happens, I’m removing it for the safety of the dorm.

* * *

Text - 11:49 pm, August 28

Ki Tae: TAEHYUNG I SWEAR TO GOD IF I CATCH YOU SO MUCH AS LOOKING AT THAT MICROWAVE AGAIN I WILL CALL PUBSAFE

Taehyung: idk what ur talking about noona

Ki Tae: YOU’RE THE ONLY ONE WHO DRINKS THAT BRAND OF BEER. STOP GETTING DRUNK AND MICROWAVING SHIT. MY MAC N CHEESS HAS TASTED LIKE IRISH SPRING SOAP FOR A WEEK NOW

Ki Tae: I’M NOT KIDDING THIS HAS TO STOP

Taehyung: but how am i gonna reheat my pizza if i can’t use to microwave

Ki Tae: get Jungkook to do it for  you. I don’t care, just keep your grubby little hands away from it. I covered for you this time, but next time you’re getting written up.

Taehyung: ok but technically you can’t prove anything

Ki Tae: don’t push your luck kid


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which birthdays happen and and got7 has a close brush with true assholery

Email - 8:53 pm, August 30

From: kims@myuniversity.edu

To: kimn@myuniversity.edu, parkjm@myuniversity.edu, jungh@myuniversity.edu,kimt@university.edu, miny@myuniversity.edu

CC: pyok-ra@myuniversity.edu

Subject: Kookie’s Birthday

Boys,

It’s Jungkook’s birthday on the first, I was thinking about baking him a cake in celebration. If everyone throws in a dollar or two, it should cover the cost. Otherwise, no cake for you. Yoongi, I’m looking at you; stop freeloading.

Your Handsome Suitemate,

Seokjin

 

* * *

Email: 8:58 pm August 30

From: miny@myuniversity.edu

To: kims@myuniversity.edu

CC: pyok-ra@myuniversity.edu

Subject: re: Kookie’s Birthday

Dear Seokjin,

Fuck you.

Fondly,

Yoongi

 

* * *

BTS Whiteboard - September 1

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JEON JUNGKOOK!!! -Ki Tae

happy birthday kookie! - jimin

You are another year older, wiser, and more experienced. Happy birthday JK - Namjoon

You’re also another year closer to death. HBD - Yoongi

WOW YOONGI. Happy birthday Jungkookie!! - Seokjin

 

* * *

Note on the Refrigerator - September 1

The cake is for Jungkook’s birthday. Keep your grubby hands off

-Seokjin

 

* * *

Got7 Whiteboard - September 4

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MARK TUAN!!! - Ki Tae

 

* * *

Text - 8:17 am, September 4

Jackson: shit is it really mark’s bday??

Ki Tae: Aren’t you his roommate? SHOULDN’T YOU ALREADY KNOW THAT??

Jackson: he never talks! it’s not my fault

 

* * *

Email - 9:25 am, September 4

From: parkjy@myuniversity.edu

To: wangj@myuniversity.edu, kimy@myuniversity.edu, imj@myuniversity.edu,kunpimookb@myuniversity.edu, choiy@myunivarsity.edu

CC: pyok-ra@myuniversity.edu

Subject: WE FUCKED UP

YOU GUYS IT’S MARK’S BIRTHDAY TODAY AND NO ONE KNEW. WE’VE GOTTA GET HIM A CAKE OR SOMETHING AND PRETEND THAT WE KNEW.

Jinyoung

 

* * *

Email - 10:00 am, September 4

From: kunpimookb@myuniveristy.edu

To: wangj@myuniversity.edu, kimy@myuniversity.edu, imj@myuniversity.edu, parkjy@myuniversity.edu, choiy@myunivarsity.edu

CC: pyok-ra@myuniversity.edu

Subject: re:WE FUCKED UP

Ok I’m gonna pick up a cake after class. We should have a surprise party tonight, that way our ignoring his birthday this morning will seem less asshole-ish and more like we were doing it on purpose.

Bambam

 

* * *

Notes on the Refrigerator - September 5

Please finish eating all the cakes soon!! I’m not trying to gain that freshman 15.

-Jackson

Jackson, you’re a junior.

-Namjoon

Problem solved.

-Youngjae

JESUS YOUNGJAE DID YOU EAT IT ALL??? I wanted some cake :(

-Jimin

Oops?

-Youngjae

THAT WAS *MY* CAKE!!

-Jungkook


End file.
